Through the Looking Glass

My sleep routine needs to improve.

Yesterday morning, I woke up, planned to snooze my alarm clock, but fell asleep so fast that I actually held my loud ringing cellphone for another hour and half. Then, trying to postpone it for later, I set it to 7:15 a.m., not realizing that it would ring again in two minutes. After getting home from work, I slept for an hour, then went out with my girl, came back a few moments before midnight and worked till morning.

Now it’s 6 a.m. and I’m getting up in four hours. But I can be proud of what I’ve done today (or, more like tonight, literally). Managed to kinda abuse this text-to-speech flash application and am now able to use it from any webpage. Originally, I did it for my friend from university who needs it for his school project, but I’m pretty sure it will be put to some other use as well. It just might not be that legal, I’ll yet have to look into that.

Anyway, good night, or good morning, whichever fits you the best. There’s a fine line between being an insomniac and being out of my mind.

First time, I spawned somewhere in the middle of the dessert on a dusty road. Took me almost two hours to find out I’m in South Africa and that I’ve been hopelessly burying myself deeper into the continent while all the big cities (and airports) are at the seashore. Gave up.

Second, I thought I was in Spain or something like that. In ten minutes I noticed the Sun was on the northern part of the sky, placing me somewhere on the southern hemisphere - I figured that Latin America is where I am. Soon after I found a highway and it took me only an hour to get near Sao Paulo, where I managed to follow the signs all the way to airport. First success.

Third time. Spawned on a narrow paved path in some forest, people all around me. I never knew that pictures for Google Street View were also taken from a bike. You can imagine my surprise when I noticed the first sign in my language (Czech), as Street View coverage in my country isn’t that good. And that proved to be the problem - there was no way out of the forest whatsoever, so any airport was out of the question. At least I found a place I actually knew and been to in person.

Fourth time, Antarctica. Penguins all over the place. Immediate reroll.

Fifth and the last time I let my brother cope with it. He was lucky enough to get spawned in USA, somewhere extremely close to a highway that led him to Washington and an airport in no time. Second success, even if not mine.

Frankly, it’s fun before you figure out your approximate position in the world. Once it turns into hunting signs on an endless highway, it instantly gets boring as hell.

I finally found a way not to spam your walls with endless ranting about my personal stuff and still be able to post it.

Read More

Funny how you start writing a long rant and it gains more meaning before you finish it…

cave-lady asked: Did you have a nice V-Day, then?

Hands down, the best I could have wished for.

But you, of all people, know that, don’t you? ;)

Long time, no see…

First things first. I came here today to find out not only that my last post here is over two months old *giggles* but also that my follower count has increased during my absence, so a big thank for anyone sticking here with me. (Although most of y’all probably completely forgot about following me, since this blog never offered that much posts *giggles again*.)

There was no particular reason for this blog-break. It just kinda happened… and it also happens now that maybe a new wave is coming. Some recent development in my life just makes me to start writing and posting and filling your dashboards with some of my BS once again. So… expect me.

This new era of course comes together with a new url, new page theme and also a new profile photo. The old one was too damn outdated; the mohawk had to be shaved several months ago, because of my job as a teacher (something about being a bad example for the kids and stuff, boring) and I also had my ear pierced in December, though it probably isn’t properly visible in that pic.

Anyway, welcome back, blogging me!

I’m truly amazed to still have some followers.
I don’t reblog, I don’t even post that often and when I do, it’s usually more like a diary entry. Either that, or just random bitching about my life. Most of the time, it’s both together.
Wondering if someones even reading some of it.
‘Cause right now, I’m about to proceed with that again.

So, last week was like… hell, I don’t even know how all of that happened.
My life just seems to fly by so fast compared to what it used to be.

I definitely thought some things through regarding my future career. After being pretty sure that I’d quit teaching by the end of january and try a new job in finances, I’m now definite that teaching is OK for now but there has to be some effort put into it. And that includes forcing the students to do the same. I’ll have to push those marks a bit down. But I finally met got to know the other teachers a bit better, and yeah, they’re much cooler than I anticipated. As former student of most of them, I just viewed saw too much as teachers and not colleagues, and I’m exceptionally glad that they take me for one of them now. And what surprised me most - all of those who I talked with said that my mohawk was great and I should’ve kept it. We’re now plotting on how to overcome this

Also, I went to a fantastic party last friday, a mexican Day of the Dead celebration, in gothic style. My outfit ended up better than expected, though I completed it in two days, and my friend who was there with me put up an outstanding deathrock look. The whole evening was thousand times better than I thought and I look forward to another one like that…

My whole weekend was spent by completing a webpage which I have as a job for two months already. It makes me lose my will to become a website programmer when I see how stuff goes. I’ve redone the job from the basics three times now, each time supposedly the last. Gosh. But now it also seems that I’m about to get a new one-time job at my school, as a word spread about my web-making skills… We shall see about this.

And apparently, I’m now a womanizer. For once meeting up with an old forgotten friend, checking up on her a little. Yeah, I’m generally not a bitch to people, regardless their gender. When anyone wants to meet up after six years, should I say ´no´ just so it doesn’t look I’m into her? Some may take it that I am into the girls, but geez, what did I ever do? Does a womanizer move over two hundred miles because of one girl? Does a womanizer try for a girl when he is repeatedly and almost constantly faced with a fact that she doesn’t love him? Maybe I actually would have tons of other girls if I tried. I don’t know and I don’t even want to. Most of all, I never expected to be called that by someone who I thought knew me so well… but now never even gives me a slightest chance to explain. I want to talk, but my words are crushed by… I don’t even know by what. Is it me, is it really that wrong to go out for a stupid chat once or twice? Or is just that now it’s easy to make assumptions about me just wanting a girl to score? I don’t know, but I do care. Maybe I care too much. About everything… and everyone. Maybe it’s hard to feel special with me, when I try to be nice to all people. But seriously… I may be childish at times, I may lack self-esteem, I may behave like an idiot, but all I want to do is… understand. Understand it all. And explain myself as well…

All that time.

Wrong for assuming things, wrong for feeling like everything’s fine, wrong for trying to act like it when it wasfar from true, wrong for settling down. Wrong for and about everything.

But… yeah, I learned a lot. About people, about myself, about… you. But always when I think I really know someone, he or she turns out to be completely different person. Different from what I hoped them to be.

It’s my fault, I keep dreaming of things and at the same time, yeah, I fear they won’t happen. For any reason. But I keep hoping and fantasizing, it keeps me up; until I can’t even hope anymore. And this pattern most probably fits all my behavior…

I’ll do my best and try again. I don’t want to be like this myself. And if I’d write something like, “what other option do I have?”, it’s the very example. I have plenty of options. But none of them leads to what I want the most. And I’m not speaking about some specific stuff, I’m talking in general. Is it even possible to change your dreams and not change who you are?

I’d end my today’s rant with a quote from a guy I only met yesterday. We talked a bit and after a while, the topic of our conversation turned to girls. And he said,
“What other problem can man have but a woman? And it’s not even like they’re the problem or the cause. It’s just as if you blocked a part of your brain with a relationship and can’t think straight. Anything otherwise unimportant can suddenly become the greatest challenge on Earth.”
It may not be one hundred percent precise, but I think it’s very well said. I don’t even think any woman should get this wrong. After all, they’re not the problem, the problem is in us… Or, in me, as the case is.